I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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