It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Randomize
