Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
