I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
