yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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