and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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