I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
