wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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