I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
