My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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