I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize