Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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