so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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