toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
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