I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
