Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
