Four minutes until I can fart!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm always down for nudity.
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