No stitches, just platelets and will power
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
