We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
