who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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