His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
