It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
