I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
