Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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