that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
