What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
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Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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