uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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