There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I want is dick and wine.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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