it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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