i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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