woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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