I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
