My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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