If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
