"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
