She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
