"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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