So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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