i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just invented taco cereal.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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