I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So I just went to clothing optional bar
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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