my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize