They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
