we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
