i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
