If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
