I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
