Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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