im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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