Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
