I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
