My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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