he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
