This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
