I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
