The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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