At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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