so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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