Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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