omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
