every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
