I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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