I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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