We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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