She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
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you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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