So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
