it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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