Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
